A few years ago I was in therapy. At regular intervals, I got in touch with my inner child. The sessions were fine, but the meaning behind them never made sense to me. There was never an AHA experience or wisdom that revealed itself to me. I was able to work through and understand a lot, but something was missing.
When I started CCB as part of Breathing Space’s online sessions, I quickly realized that a deeper power was unfolding for me. Rewire, an online course offered there, led through daily breathing sessions and weekly CCB sessions – but I skipped one. For many weeks, I postponed the session on the inner child, preferring to attend other sessions. An arrogant, disdainful attitude and opinion built up in me towards this session – yet I couldn’t leave it behind. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
One weekend off, I decided to just do it. I realized that my aversion to this session was fear. I was afraid of what awaited me. But what did I have to lose!
As always, I set up my nest. Various blankets and pillows, headphones, tea, water and a cloth over my eyes are an integral part of my sessions – as is a secluded, closed room where I feel completely safe and cannot be disturbed.
The initial meditation quickly brought me to my still place within and from there I set off to meet my inner child. Just meeting her made me cry. I knew immediately what she was feeling and the emotions washed over me. When the actual breathing began, you were supposed to visit a place, a situation or a person together that was formative. The loneliness, rejection and associated sadness were almost immediately present. I looked through her eyes mixed with mine. I felt the childlike, disbelieving feeling. The not understanding. The need for affection, acceptance and understanding.
I visited different places, heard related people say the same familiar phrases and felt my way through different situations. Reliving it was deeply sad. I cried the whole time. My hands were tingling and my body was constantly moving back and forth.
At some point I realized. I took myself by the hand. The sadness about the lack of warmth, the powerlessness in the face of rejection and loneliness became less. I gave myself warmth and affection, hugged myself and gave myself comfort. I acknowledged myself, accepted myself and was no longer alone. I held my own small hand and looked down at myself. I held my own strong hand and looked up at myself. Being accepted and accepting, grieving and being comforted, seeking love and giving love – it all blurred together. And then we left. We turned our backs on everything and walked down the street. Me and I went to the still place within and I watched myself play. I saw myself lying in a meadow under trees.
When I came back, a feeling of safety and acceptance and infinite love for myself flooded through me. This session was a key experience for me and I was able to leave a lot behind me. When I think about it now, months later, I still feel a deep sense of peace.
CCB has tremendous power and when we listen to our subconscious and intuition, it can lead to wonderful results.
Jenni – an elf on its journey
To find out more about Jenni, take a look at her profile in Jennifer Metallidis
