I’m a recovering perfectionist.
I say recovering because I don’t think it’s something I’ll ever completely get rid of. It’s been part of me for a long time and, if I’m honest, it’s served me well in many ways. It’s probably played a part in getting me to where I am today, and I’m grateful for that.
But I’m starting to realise that it doesn’t need to have the same importance in my life that it once did.
I notice it creeping back in during times of change and transition, especially when that old core belief of “I’m not good enough” gets activated.
Suddenly I want to do more. Do things better. Get everything finished. Get everything right.
Sometimes I put things off altogether because I know I don’t have the time to do them to the level I want to. I tell myself, I’ll get to it later, when I have more time to do it properly.
Except that “later” doesn’t usually come.
The thing is still sitting there in my head, taking up space and adding to the mental load.
I’ve got enough stuff open on those tabs already.
Motherhood really brought my struggle with perfectionism to the surface.
So much of what I do as a mum each day is invisible, repetitive and never really finished. Starting something and being interrupted. Getting halfway through one job before something else needs my attention. Doing a huge amount, but not getting that familiar sense of achievement. It’s easy to feel like I’m always falling short.
In those early years of motherhood, I started to see how closely I’d linked my self-worth to what I could get done.
And it’s raising its head again now, too.
I’m on career break. A break from my career, and a chance to slow down a little. I made this decision for a reason, and yet I still find myself thinking about all the ways I could be doing this career break perfectly, too.
Making the best possible use of my time. Being productive. Making sure I’m doing enough.
I can’t seem to shake off that wee voice that wants everything done properly, everything finished. It ebbs and flows with the seasons of my life, and it can be frustrating.
Why am I so quick to focus on what isn’t getting done instead of giving myself credit for everything that is?
So I keep reminding myself that not everything needs to be my finest work. Things can be done to a good-enough standard, and that’s okay. Nothing bad will happen. Everyone will be just fine. The career break, the house, the kids, me…
I’m learning that not everything can be perfect at the same time.
In our house, things take turns being clean. It’s either me, the kids or the house!
Sometimes I’m on top of my mum role and something else is further down the list. Sometimes the house is tidy, but I’m not fully present with the kids. Sometimes I’m busy with work and forget about the load in the washing machine for a day.
This is real life. And logically, I know all of that’s okay. There is no version of me that can perfectly meet every need in every area of my life at the same time.
Accepting that, and learning to let go a little, makes me a much happier person.
Happy Me is so much nicer to be around than Perfect Me.
Happy Me can tolerate the Lego living on the sitting room floor and the trail of teddies from one room to the next.
She can listen to the stories about Batman battles without mentally fast-forwarding through everything else on her to-do list.
Perfect Me walks into a room and immediately sees everything she should be doing. She isn’t always the mum or wife I want to be. Physically there, but her head is somewhere else, thinking about what needs done next.
And Perfect Me is not the mother my children need.
They need a much simpler, happier and more present version of me. This is the version I long to stay in.
So when I feel that urge for perfection creeping back in, I’m trying to notice it rather than automatically follow it.
I’m reminding myself that good enough is good enough.
I want to model that for my children, too.
I don’t want them to grow up believing that everything has to be perfect before they can relax, or that they’re only doing enough when they’ve finished everything on their list.
I want them to see that life can be a bit messy.
That some things can wait.
That rest matters.
That people matter.
And that you can be proud of what you’ve done without immediately looking for the next thing you haven’t done.
I’m still learning this.
Perfectionism will probably always be there somewhere, waiting for the opportunity to creep back in.
I know that wee voice well by now. I’m learning that I can hear it without having to do everything it tells me to.
Done is better than perfect.
And right now, I’m learning to let that be enough.
